CONCLUSIONS
Did we solve the mystery of secrets? Did our five key questions help us get to the bottom of anything? Let's recap:
We carefully investigated what a secret is, although it can be interpreted differently depending on an individual's situation. It was defined as information one keeps from others. The prevalence of secrets in pop and modern culture was also presented to us as we unpacked shows like Gossip Girl and Pretty Little Liars to see what the big deal was behind secrets. Furthermore, we suggested how secrets in politics and behind prominent figures can come to light and cause damage. At this point, I'm feeling pretty comfortable with what secrets are, so let's move on to the next question.
Next, I shared research on just who we tell our secrets to. Once again, this varies depending on the person and the secret. There is research behind both telling a stranger and telling a confidante that suggests that each of these is better than the other, depending on the situation. In the end, it's up to the secret-teller to determine what the best solution is for them, or if they want to tell anyone at all. A happy medium would be to share anonymously in order to practice getting the secret in the open, according to Frank Warren. Two of the interviewees I spoke to both opted for the option of telling someone they know, but again, this is different for everyone.
Following the who, we researched the why. Why do we tell secrets, or conversely, why do we keep them? Motivations can explain this concept almost entirely, namely extrinsic and intrinsic. The intrinsic motivations included fearing loss of self control and feeling personal guilt, while the extrinsic focused on the fear of judgement and humiliation. Protecting others as well as protecting one's self as a reason for keeping a secret fell under both categories. That said, there are also numerous mental and physical health reasons why we should tell our secrets. So our motivations for keeping and telling secrets can be traced back to what we're afraid of, and the secrets we choose to tell and keep are reflected in these fears.
If we're feeling pretty good so far, we can move on to the when of it all. Using my own experience with secrets I've been told, I discussed when the time is right to tell somebody using three key examples. Each of these were my friends, so I opted to keep their identities secret in line with the concept, but they each had a profound effect on me and their decision to tell me when they did played a major role. In the first example, Paige was right to tell me about her secret. She needed help. I was able to keep her safe in some way because she told me what she had never told anyone. With Tom, it was unfair of him to tell me when he did. Several months passed before anyone else knew about his relationship with Michael, so there were several months where I had no one to talk to about it. It stressed me out and caused me to tell numerous lies. With Sarah, the situation is a little bit different because I'm still in the middle of it. It's just happening. Similar to Paige, it's good that she told me, because it's leading to self-damaging behavior. That said, it puts me in a difficult position because I don't know who to tell, or if I should tell anyone. So when to tell a secret can get a little complicated. I've attempted to solve this one in my daily life using my best judgement. Hopefully my stories can help others make an important decision for themselves.
Last, but certainly not least, we looked at how to tell our secrets. Studies show that writing down a secret can help, and if you're not ready to tell anyone in person, one possible next step would be to share anonymously using an online platform. We explored PostSecret, the WhisperApp, and I tried my hand at making my own podcast-based medium called ThingsUnsaid. In any case, choosing the mechanism with which to disclose personal information can be difficult.
Now that we've re-visited the what, who, why, when and how of secrets, I hope I've shed some light on how secrets function on a daily basis. I also hope that I've invited you to consider secrets you've been keeping or telling and interact with these a little bit differently, knowing what they know now using the research I've done. Perhaps in the future you'll think a little differently before you tell or keep a secret.